Will’s Unpopular Opinion – House of Tards – 4-21-16

There’s a scene in ‘The Dead Zone’, (you know which one) where President Martin Sheen is in a cabin at Camp David and calls in his General to launch a nuclear strike at midnight. It’s a dark portent of a possible future sardonically envisioned by Christopher Walken as he shakes hands with the would be President at a rally years earlier. There is a growing ominous consensus that this is the future America will receive with Presidential hopeful and carrot impersonator, Donald Trump. Since his run, he’s been met with an overwhelming amount of support and backlash, inciting multiple news worthy incidents featuring the smarmy used car salesman as he fails upwards into the stratosphere of godly layered cake. A delicacy that can’t be experienced without a silver-spoon (or in this case, a silver-spork) directly hand delivered by the lucky sperm club. The run for presidency, which was once a standard American pastime, has eroded and morphed into sensationalist name calling and one-upmanship akin to WWE bating, as the current candidates (Mostly Trump) continue to ridicule and mock their fellow candidates like tweens in a lunch line on sloppy-joe day. And the worst part is….it’s working.

A year ago the idea of Trump running for the highest office in the land was so farcical, it was almost poor form to bring it up in serious political conversation, but to say the discourse has changed is more than a mild understatement. Trump, for all of his misgivings and consistent faux pas, has found a way not only to rally hearts and minds of America alike, but also create a huge concern for not just the Democratic party, but the Republican party as well. He does this in a very non-subtle way. He grandstands. Donald Trump says nothing of any true importance or substance, but says what people want to hear using buzz words that perk up the ears and light up the brain. Words like: “Unbelievable”, “Wonderful!” “Extraordinary”, “Incredible”, and so on and so forth. In public speaking, this is seen as the key to captivating an audience. It makes people connect with you and adhere to whatever it is your saying, (or not saying.) Apple does this. Every computer they have is “The easiest, most beautiful interface on the market!” or “Fastest most fantastic running iMac yet!”. Well I hope it’s the fastest…why else would I buy it? Regardless of ones proclivities towards anything Mac, Apple has used it’s marketing and specifically it’s keynote speeches to build one of the top run companies in the world, and it shows; regardless of whether or not we understand their user agreement… Just click “yes”. Christ.

But why does this technique work? Because a lot of people don’t really listen. Whether you “feel the Bern” or not, Bernie Sanders repeats his same message over and over at every function he attends. Hilary constantly changes views and it’s up to the media to call her out on it, because voters minds don’t remember that far back to her 90’s healthcare reform days. Understandably, this is politics and that’s par for the course, but outside of direct interviews and non-public interactions, politics isn’t always about what you say, but rather how you say it. When Tump made his infamous “7/11” foul-up, his crowd could have been less interested in correcting him. Instead they’re seen in the background talking amongst each other, taking pics, staring….., and it’s all because they’re waiting for the next big moment to shout and cheer and show support. In the end of the day, as sophisticated and aware as people and society “thinks” they are, they (we) are all just the plebs, squabbling amongst each other like so many hens in a hen house. Unfortunately, what we say and think as the mass voting populace doesn’t always really matter either. Young idealistic 20 somethings may disagree, but in the arena of political theater, we the people are the dolls at someone’s niece’s tea-party. We drink what they pour us (usually air), the topics are over mosts heads, and it’s all for the hosts benefit. Sure we may feel involved, but unless you live in Ohio or Florida, we’re just their to keep them company before mommy says “it’s bedtime”, and initiate podium standee #6’s cue to pull-out of the race.

So now that we know the how, the why is always the biggest part of trying to understand our current political climate. Not “why Trump wants to be President”. (We’ve all seen the micro-penis photo by now.) The real “why” lies in who’s voting and keeping him relevant. Trump didn’t receive 60% of the vote in the New York primaries by accident. Without getting into a real in-depth deconstruction of cultural pre- dispositions and alternating viewpoints, to say this country is divided on about everything from peanut butter to toilet paper would be an understatement. Most politicians play it safe by catering to their base, and creating a dialogue about whatever ales America at the current moment and seems relevant. Trump though, seems to have completely bi-passed that and gone “full retard” as he just incessantly babbles, pandering to mostly caucasian crowds about subjects he has no background in. This works because a lot of his base doesn’t know either. It’s the blind leading the comb-overed blind. And as a result, Trump comes off like a typical ‘Columbo’ villain as he tries to helpfully offer suggestions about a subject he’s clueless on in one scene, meanwhile becoming more and more incensed as people ask him follow-up questions in another. This is what happens when you have no idea what you’re talking about.

“Uuh… just one more question sir.. It’s about your pants.”

You know it’s a bizarre time when a TV show comes off as more legit and realistic than the current Presidential race that’s happening in real time, in the real world. Kevin Spacey plays a ruthless Machiavellian puppet master in Netflix’s ‘House of Cards.’ Without going too deep into detail, Spacey lies, cheats, and manipulates his surroundings to get inside the oval office. It’s a TV show on it’s forth season with twists and turns and Michael Kelly as a real life Darth Vader, and even that is more believable then half of the garbage that slides off of Trump’s golden tongue. However, I will say this; if push comes to shove and I’m writing articles about this guy for the next four years, I wouldn’t worry too much about Trump becoming Martin Sheen at the end of ‘The Dead Zone’. The Donald would probably lose his nuke key on the floor of his gold gilded apartment, screaming at his secret service, “I know it’s here! It’s I just can’t see it.” Something tells me he’ll be just as ineffectual as a President as he is a candidate; putting along and accomplishing nothing but bloated go-nowhere speeches for the duration of his term, as America limps along and awaits the election of 2020, where hindsight will be the most ironic and prescient topic of the day. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t all angrily look around and realize that if Trump is elected, we may actually be living in a faux cinema reality too; and fuck you Marty for buying that God damn almanac.

-Will Valle