Will’s Unpopular Opinion – For Your Reviewing Pleasure – 5-10-16

“This program is made possible by reviewers like you.” should be every entertainment studio’s slogan from here on. It’s nothing new that everyone has an opinion and what that implies, but with the the internet and social scenery being what it is, the idea that everyone has an idea, is becoming a rather old idea at that. As I scroll down my Facebook feed every morning with my cup of coffee, all I tend to see is one review after another. Reviews on movies that aren’t even out yet, to reviews on movies that came out months ago. People can’t seem to help themselves when it comes to espousing their opinions (unpopular or not). For the most part everyone is entitled to them, but it begs the question, and let’s be honest with ourselves now, but  how much do people really care what others think?

Most reviews start out explaining the entire film, scene for scene, with some type of break-down to follow. I keep forgetting how many people “know” film so well and what the director “was going for”. There seems to be some unspoken template for writing these things, and to me they just come off as page filler and boring. Reciting how the airport battle in ‘Civil-War’ went down is truly a waste of life, because either I’ve seen the movie and don’t need/want a refresher, or I haven’t, and don’t want to read about it anyway. I’ll wait for the movie… These types of reviews are regulated primarily to “spoiler” type discussions and articles, which is fine (I guess), but going through a movie scene for scene without the express purpose of dissecting it for a film study is just pseudo masturbation on the writers part. I feel like screaming “I know man! I saw it too! I don’t care to read your film essay on why Tom Holland was the ‘perfect choice’.” For the most part, the only one who really cares, is the writer, and whichever self proclaimed “film” expert is looking for confirmation on their own unremarkable opinion.

Right now X-men 9 or 10? Or whatever,…. is tracking low on the critic boards, as it’s receiving less then favorable reviews all over the web. As the reviews pour in and less and less seem to want to give this movie a go, it remains to be seen how this early set of reviews influences the box office return. Undoubtedly it’ll stifle it, but probably not nearly as bad as the reviews that castrated ‘Batman vs Superman’. Although, let’s be honest, ‘X-men: Abortion’ wasn’t fairing well in early polls anyway; as it seemed to be all but forgotten after the real heavy hitters were making their rounds earlier this season. But this hasn’t kept the two-cent patrons of go-nowhere wannabees and never-weres from letting their diuretic fingers type 5 paragraph persuasive essays on how the X-men are now “ex-men”, and we should all steer clear. Maybe it’s true, but fans are going to see it regardless, so…what’s the point? It’s not God’s work to let the world know an action movie is dumb.

As I scroll down further I see two other posts this morning in between all of those dank memes…

The first is for Uncharted 4. It’s getting 5 star and 10/10 ratings across the board. Now, how do I say this about that?… “Shut the fuck up.” I’m sure this game is great, but y’know what?, it’s probably not that great. I’d love to be proven wrong, but unless you’ve literally never played a video game before, there’s no way this could be a “perfect” game. Ads like this are very unabashedly and without remorse just the hype machine looking for a major pay-off on it’s launch weekend. Some of you will say “sure, that’s marketing. It’s suppose to be like that.” To which I say, no, it’s not. If hypothetically, NaughtyDog sent out a mandate telling it’s critics that all top scores will be featured on it’s banner ad and promo-art, and the top swingers comply, those ratings are then cherry picked, and thats not a true rating. That’s pandering. And if you seriously think that they happen to get that many top tier reviews by coincidence and without panhandling, then I’ve got a Half-life 3 game to sell you.

The second was a tweet from Bret Easton Ellis (the writer of American Psycho) stating that ‘Batman vs Superman’ was one of the best films of the year so far. The author doesn’t go into why, but that didn’t keep the world from jumping on him. Comicbookmovies.com ran with the story, and proudly backed his opinion (no surprise there really), in turn generating obvious clickbait for their site; bringing to a light a new idea that maybe reviews/opinions are more then just a collection of thoughts. People don’t care so much about the actual property discussed, just where other’s fall on the topic. As tides shift, and I can’t seem to escape some headline that purports “Ben Affleck hated BvS”, I’m wondering if maybe now
reviews are actually the main event, and the initial material is just a way to get us there. Like TV used to be for commercials.

Apart from so many fans and critics alike posting reviews of movies, games, music, etc etc; “reviewing” something has become it’s own form of entertainment. It used to be relegated to magazines and early morning news broadcasts as part of fluff human interest pieces, but now it’s slowly grown into somethng more. Perhaps so many people want to be in the “biz” that they’ve come to realize all they can do is talk about it. Clicking through the pages of youtube can’t help but bring up ‘reaction vid’ after ‘reaction vid’. There’s no shortage of skinny white girls, staring into their webcam telling you how excited they are for ‘Ninja Turtles’ with their retro “cowabunga” shirt and Hello Kitty neck tats. The fascination with what others think is nothing new, and it’s gone viral. Everybody wants in on the conversation. It now goes beyond just writing slightly snarky, ironic, sardonic comments reflecting your own impressions. It’s a full on business. It’s the new new.

Woody Allen said “Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.” I’m thinking now that some people actually like teaching gym. Maybe the next step is to start reviewing reviews.

The other daunting question is, is, has corporate American found a way to sell you advertising through yourself? You’re doing all of their heavy lifting and they’re making money off of your clicks and youtube videos. That’s mighty nice of us, but maybe they’re purposefully making bad movies to get a buzz going and generate more clicks. God! Fuck!

With that said, as a business of selling something, whether it’s a product or yourself, people will always want on the bandwagon. Some are legitimately gifted and entertaining at it, and can make a review more than just a review. The main issue comes when being wrapped up in the game perpetuates a stigma that you can’t enjoy what you want because someone else said it’s no good or vice versa. It’s not up to a reviewer to dictate what entertains you. Facebook comments should not sway you. Nobody is “wrong”. It’s just an opinion. At least that’s mine.

-Will Valle