Posted on January 11, 2017 by Double Toasted


Man, 2017 is off to a hellofa start, huh!? We had another shooting in Florida, The Fallout of Russian espionage, and an "overrated" actor espousing their opinions in an open forum. My God, the horror... The flag is starting to fray, and it may very well tear into two before the Presidential Inauguration less then two weeks from now. But maybe that's a good thing. We could use the flag halves to put out the fire that will almost absolutely ignite once Trump puts his hand on the bible. Too bad Charles Brotman won't be there. He coulda have shown up with a stack of bibles on stand by, and some marshmallows to roast on an open spire, yknow, just incase.

Moving on... I don't know if you remember this, but there was a mass shooting at an airport in Fort Lauderdale a week ago. Of course if you get your news from normal outlets, and missed the 24 hour coverage the day it happened, you probably wouldn't know about it. Occasional new developments trickle in, but Facebook has been hush on the subject. There weren't any articles about gun control or people changing their avatars to have a faded Floridian Gator flag translucently positioned over their face in a weak attempt to parade support. Not this time. In fact, for the first time in recent memory, the news of the shooting was interrupted on CNN with the more pressing "Russian Hack", exposed by the CIA. It would appear, all news from now on will be Trump News. And so begins the early days of a modern Cold War. Cold War 2: Shirtless Rendezvous is suppose to hit theaters in Jacksonville, Florida in June of 2020. God, let's all pray it doesn't bomb..

Then, Meryl Streep went full libtard activist and used 5 minutes of her lifetime achievement award to dump on Trump. I guess you don't get played off when you've won all of the awards for everything ever. She went on and did her best Yoda impersonation as she prattled some pompously profound statement about "disrespect inviting disrespect", and "violence inciting violence". Sure, I mean, whatever.... Personally, I wouldn't have a huge problem with this, but she seemed asthmatic the entire time and my interest began to wane. My issue with this mainly stems from the idea that people who watch award shows, don't generally care about politics too much. That's a loaded statement, and incendiary for many who do, but for the most part, no one wants to see that shit when they're watching their idols play prom for a night. In fact, it's why I don't watch award shows at all.

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Cameryn Maneheim used the last 10 seconds of her acceptance speech to drop her political mic during the 99' Golden Globes in regards to the Clinton impeachment process. She was lauded by the New York Times at the time, but quickly became the shining example of Tinsletown's "what not to do" when it comes to podium politics. I mean, I get it. You have a platform and feel brash enough to use it for a greater agenda. It's really no different then the Colin Kaepernick kneel when compared in broad strokes. The difference really, is that one is a silent protest and one isn't. It's also a difficult nut to swallow when Hollywood and it's elites play victim to the bullish party politics as of late. Celebrities can't really relate because they're not the general public, and the American people are getting tired of being used as a bargaining chip between two arguing parents. Fucking, divorce already.

Afterwards, a compilation video surfaced of Donald Trump pantomiming mentally disabled people half a dozen times over for the past few years, and somehow it was suppose to be in his defense... How this was supposed to be beneficial, I'm not entirely sure. Shouldn't that be even more egregious? I guess saying everyone is "retarded" is easier to defend then isolating the one time the person actually had a handicap. We're just supposed to be ok with Trump thinking we're all "retards" I guess. Yeah, that makes me feel so much better...

And finally to wrap-up this weeks worth of "Road to Apocalypse" headlines, a false report that Twitter had deleted Donald Trump's account poured in. The soon to be Commander in Tweet had been silenced; (wishfully) at least until he registers a new user account under Barron's name. The mouth on that kid!! Maybe this was a good play by the faux Twit Lords, but I'm wondering if it would be better to just let him run his mouth? Although, upon saying that out loud to myself, I realize how ineffective that's been... But one thing is clear, we're all gonna have to work together to quell the idiocy and ignorance that will be protruding out of the The White House Trump Tower for the next 4 years. So, crack your knuckles.

In 1987, President Reagan gave a speech to the UN pontificating the outcome of an extraterrestrial attack on the planet, and how the world would need to drop it's differences and come together to unite for the greater good. Maybe that's what we're all slowly realizing now. The country is working as a whole to fight a cancer. It's better than sitting around and complaining when things don't go the way you want them to. In fact, it may be a wakeup call for millions of people who haven't been active enough in expressing the outrage felt, and could help shake them out of apathy, galvanizing the public into doing more than beating each other publicly and stealing MAGA hats. But who knows. Trump is 70 years old. This guy might drop dead of a heart attack his 2nd day in office. In which case, news of his death would be the first good Trump tweet ever made. I'm sure he'd think it was overrated though...

-Will Valle

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