Will’s Unpopular Opinion – What a Dick – 3-3-17
A week ago, the 89th Academy Awards wrapped up with what arguably could be called the most indelible ending since ‘Titanic’ won almost 20 years ago; when James Cameron asked for a moment of silence, only to follow it up with a roaring fist raising jeer as he exclaimed they would all “party till dawn”. Because Cameron is most frequently known for his nuanced undertones…
[Now this article may come off forcibly apropos for referring to events a week prior. But stick with me. I’m going somewhere with this.]
If you have working fingers and eyes, you know now that Faye Dunaway read the wrong card mistakenly handed to Warren Beatty. ;) as she announced ‘La La Land’ for best picture instead of ‘Brokeback Mountain’ ‘Moonlight’. I say “mistakenly” with a wink and a nod because: A) this has literally never happened before, and B) this was the lowest rated Oscar Ceremony in close to a decade.
And even then, the 2017 turnout was only slightly better than the 2008 show, which brought in a meager 32 million viewers. [The lowest ever recorded. The first record coming from 1974 with close to 45 million viewers.] So a surprise ending this year, could kill in ratings next year. It could give the Academy the shot in the arm the glitzy VIP shindig needs to stay in the limelight. The set up seemed a bit too perfect to be just a gaffe. Especially with such a buzz surrounding ‘La La Land’ and the predicted win that was the focus of so many articles and editorials leading up to that night.
But apart from the stymied response by the backstage producers, or the forced yet begrudgingly eloquent love-in by ‘La La Land’s’ producer, Jordan Horowitz after the initial announcement was rectified, the damage was done. The harshest critics of all would let their voice’s be heard in the days to come. Before the night was over, major news networks were running with the story, and Facebook hadn’t exploded with such distress since Carrie Fisher died. It was…. a cluster-fuck. The world was witness to the follies of live TV. It may not have been the highest rated award show, but it would go down in history as one of the most memorable ones. And even though the masses seemed a mess over their personal fan favorite pick losing/winning the coveted trophy, an annoying ringing kept persisting in my brain. Mainly, WHO GIVES A SHIT?
“What a dick.”
Sure, the Academy Awards have had foul-ups before. There was the year all of the statues were stolen, or the time Terrance Howard got up on stage and completely forgot his lines. But at the end of the day, it really is just a group of privileged entitled assholes, congratulating each other.
These people get to dress-up and play pretend for a living. They’re treated like royalty and the barrier to entry is so thick that nepotism and blind luck seem to be the main contributing factors to their success. Talent withstanding, anyone who’s tried to break-in often ends up on Youtube; or if they’re lucky, porn. I’m tired of being made to feel sympathetic for the winners. (even if they lost.) When Leo won the Oscar last year, it was such a relief to fans everywhere. BUT WHY!? The dudes a model fucking, multi-millionaire. I’m suppose to feel vindicated that he was patted on the back by his peers?
So, Emma Stone didn’t get two Oscars in one night. Why is there this insatiable need by so many to live vicariously through celebrities? We put them in those tuxedos and gowns with our money, and when we want to be apart of it, we’re told “no”. In my life, I’ve met so many actors that will never be anything past their walk-on role in a CBS comedy. They’re sold a dream (for a pretty penny) with acting classes and head shots and demo reels, all while the same 2000+ top tier players land the same roles time and again. I’ve never put myself in such a position directly; so I can’t claim sour-grapes personally. However, I have seen what it puts people through. The problem with glamour professions is that they are so self congratulatory unto themselves, that they quickly forget who put them there to begin with.
I see ads constantly for FullSale University or NYC Film Academy, telling me about all of the opportunities awaiting me if I sign up for their classes. Yeah, 5% may end up in their desired field, but generally, most of those students will end up shooting wedding videos. And the problem is, is that this romance and allure with the film industry is indoctrinated into so many at such a young age because of award shows like The Oscars. It’s propaganda, and people eat it up as they sit their with their film school drop-out cronies, watching star-gazed in some crammed Brooklyn apartment, with a poster for ‘La Dolce Vita’ on the wall, thinking: “that’ll be me some day!”. News flash: it won’t.
You want to talk about the true true .001%? It’s Hollywood. They have the same money hungry avaricious execs looking to squeeze you out of your money as much as any other industry, but they disguise it with anti establishment rhetoric; all while making speeches when receiving their lifetime achievement awards; catered to uplifting the masses. Society can not be rectified by the church like culture of Sunday night pundits accepting awards “on your behalf”. If I have to hear “I’m hear because of you” one more time, I’m gonna turn that trophy into a suppository.
It’s not just the plebes looking up through the glass ceiling though. Stunt coordinators have been trying for decades to be recognized by the academy, but are shut down every year with one lame excuse after another. Camera men aren’t nominated. Categories are selected due to their “artistic merit”. Which, if anyone has ever read the winners of the “Technical Sci-Tech Oscars” knows, that’s horse crap. They might as well give an Oscar out to the highest grossing film of the year. Why? Because if you can crack the formula is to why/how people engage in film on a global level to massive success, you might as well be rewarded for it.
But this is the real issue.
What really irks me is the continual spiraling onslaught of public onlookers, entrenched in their own self declared salient search for validation. Have we become so conditioned that the victor of a shiny Ken doll is the subject of hundreds of “behind the scene” expository articles about how or why the shit hit the fan? The news of Warren and Faye’s mishap dropped like a tsunami of ineptitude and blatant incompetence faster than a Trump tweet gone wrong. What’s even more incredulous is the sudden drop off of interest publicly. The dumping ground for subjective fan theories and biased think pieces has once again lost an argument to itself. As in standard fashion, the world hit the refresh button on current events; ditching the stories that were earth shattering only days ago.
My point being, is this article even relevant anymore? Or should I have posted it last week when it was still the most important story in the world?
-Will Valle
